She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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