Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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