I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
