im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
