her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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