i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
