I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
