yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
