Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
