so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
