you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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