the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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