Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
