Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
