how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
