Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you have feelings for this penis?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
