This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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