He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
