3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
