you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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