Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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