My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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