No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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