Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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