Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
