Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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