can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
