The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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