My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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