my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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