thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
