You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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