Sponge bath it is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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