Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
