Apparently you make a good broom.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize