i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
