At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
