Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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