She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
