i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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