I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize