I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
