No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
