Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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