I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
