Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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