Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
