My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
