awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
