I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
