Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
