Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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