My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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