I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
