i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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