just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
