Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
