whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
