last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
