I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
