If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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