Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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