Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
