my phone needs a breathalizer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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