And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
