my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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