is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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