Moan for me like Helen Keller
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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