Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize