I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my liver is dry heaving
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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