it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize