You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
