oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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