Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
