yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
