she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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