The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
