So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
