my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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