seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
