Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
