do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
