i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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